Well it has been a year today. I still miss my son. I was going to say my baby, but he was not a baby, he was my big helper. All the years before he was born and before he got big enough to start helping me, I was use to doing things myself with no problem. But I had gotten so use to him helping me, now I can't do things like I use to. Physical I can, but it just mental I feel I can't. When ever a light blub burnt out he changed it for me, I'm not good with height, and every light blub in this house, I have to stand on something to change it. Casey had to stand on something to, but heights did not bother him. He use to throw things on the roof, just so he could climb up there to get it. I got scared every time he got up there.
Today the social worker from the school called cheking on us, just to make sure we were ok and she told me if we ever needed her to call. She remember today was the day Casey died. I was surprised she remembered. I told her about what my husband may have, and I gave her the website. She said she had never heard of it. I told her there was a section there for parents and teachers with kids that have EDS. I thought it would be a big help to her.
I guess this is all, I feel I am not making any since of what I am writing, I'm just rambling.
4 comments:
Of course you are making sense. And Casey will always be your baby, even though he was a big boy and a good helper. I'm glad you got to talk to the social worker. The more you talk about this and the more you write, the more the pain will go away. Believe me, it will never be completely gone, but time will make it easier.
Thank You!
But I was wondering today, why does it feel like I have lost some of my brain?
I went to the shop that I use to work at, I was a hairstylist. One of the barbers that was working there, told me they were going to need somebody. I told him I did not renew my license. He told me I could talk to the manager, but I told her, I am not the same person I was before. She said she knew that, she did not think I could do it either. I have had a lot on my plate, is how she put it. She knows what has been going on. I had a interview at Wal-Mart tuesday, but have not heard anything out of it yet. I called today and she said they are still interviewing people and they would get back with me. It is for a night stocker. I feel like that is the only thing I could do, is stock shelves. Something I could do by myself.
You feel like you've lost some of your brain because part of your brain doesn't want to exist. It wants to hide in the sand like an ostrich, where it will be safe from hurt and fear. I hope you get the Wal-Mart job, it might take your mind off of the other stuff for a while.
I stopped renewing my license many years ago (I was a hair stylist, too). States have different laws, but here one could do shampoos and general clean-up duties in a salon without a license. You might inquire about that. Another way around it in some states is to work as an apprentice.
I wonder how long it will take for the part of my brain to come back, or do I need to see a doctor?
Our state is like that to, we can shampoo without a licence. But I don't feel I can do anything like that. It means I would have to have close contact with people. I don't know if I can do that. I use to smile at people or say hi, but I don't do that anymore. I just go in store get what I need and come back out. If somebody smiles and says hi to me, I will respond back to them.
I hope I do get the job, I'm sure it will help me.
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