Lunch went well today

It was really nice, the only thing it wasn't long enough they had to get back to work. And with this swine flu scare, all 3 women work where it could affect them. 2 of the women work at a medical lab and the other 1 works at the health department. So they were all warned about it.

I think we are going to start our own support group for parents that have lost little children. Most of the groups that we know of, are like I said before parents of grown children. I know the man at the funeral home said no matter how old, they are still your children. But to me it's not the same, my child and other children did not get to grow up and experience adult life. Like me I have already lived, but Casey did not get to live. That's what my husband says to. He wonders why Casey had to die and not him.

Lunch Date Tomorrow

I am having lunch with 3 women that there children had passed away to. One of the women I know, her daughter passed away about 2 months after Casey did. Her daughter was a freshman at the high school where Casey would have been going this year. I had contacted her to let her know that I knew how she felt. I guess I wanted to comfort her. Because after Casey died I felt so alone. Everyone that I knew still had there children. The other 2 women, all I know about them that they lost their children. I think the woman I know had met them off the Internet at Beyond Indigo or Blue Lagoon, something like that, it was a site for parents that had lost there children. I have been to one of those sites, and saw there were other children name Casey that had died. After seeing that other Casey's had died, I wonder if I had of named him something else would he have died. I have heard our life's are not already set out for us. Things just happen. I do not go to those sites much, I had not been in a long time, so I checked it out last week. But it was under construction. All you could do was light a candle. And have others light one to.

The woman I know, her and her husband had went to a support group after there daughter died. They went to a few, and she had invited me, but I did not go. I had went to one group at the funeral home, the man that was running it had lost his daughter when she was in her 20's. And the others there children were already adults. None were a child. And this one couple it had been 8 years since there son had died in his 40's and they were still going to the meetings. I was going to the next meeting, but when I got there the man that was running it was in the hospital. So I did not try to go anymore. I thought why go when all you were going to do was talk about your children and cry. I could do that on my own. I guess what I did helped, I talked to friends. Also my doctor would not give me anything like nerve pills, he wanted me to heal natural. He told me I needed to cry. I guess he was right. I am better now, I can talk about Casey and not cry. I can talk about the funny things. He always kept us going. Things sure were lively when he was here. Now life is boring without him.
Maybe we will start our own group to help others that have lost there children, and I mean children that have not grown up. I said when Casey died, I had gotten him this far but I could not get him to an adult. Maybe others feel that way to, or maybe I am strange. I don't know. But now I know, what ever I did I could not have helped Casey. Even if we did know about Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. There is nothing a doctor can do to help. If they had of caught the aorta dissection and fixed it, it could have popped up somewhere else.

In Memory of Sparkle

I thought this would be a nice tribute to Sparkle. A dear friend sent it to me. There is a poem about the rainbow bridge to. I found the poem, but not sure about copying it here, so I will just post the link to it.

http://www.newrainbowbridge.com/NRB/rbpoem.htm

I also found this site, they let you print it out with your pets name.
http://rainbowbridge.catsplay.com/

Amazing

How you get use to something. I still look at Sparkles cage expecting to see her in it. I can't seem to get use to her being gone. I have even come close to going out there to feed her.

I got a tick off me Saturday. It had been there a couple of days I think. And now it is itching me. When it starts itching I put alcohol on it. That's the first tick I have found on me in a long time. And the first one that has ever bitten me.

My daughter said my grand baby weights 17 and something pounds. And she is sitting up now. She is a little over 7 months. I have to watch her today while my daughter works. It will just be a few hours. The first time I watched her while my daughter worked I did not feed her. She had already eaten before she came that day. She is getting so big, use to she would eat ever 2 to 3 hours. It's strange now she is going longer between feedings.
I guess I had better head to bed and get some sleep so I can watch her.

My dog died

The dog I could not find a good picture of is the one that died. The last pictures I have of her is in 2007. She wasn't much for taking her picture. She would always bark when we tried to take her picture. She died in her sleep. She was in her dog house and looked like she was sleeping. I think she was broken hearted and lonely. I tried to keep her company sometimes. But I was not Casey. Casey was always in the back yard with her. And I think I noticed her howling about this time last year. She ate the day before she died. And the next day when I went to feed her she would not eat. My husband went out the next morning to check on her and he found her dead. She had been howling off and on the past year toward evening. I would go and check on her when she howled or I would open the window and talk to her, but I guess it wasn't enough. She loved children. One afternoon when I went to feed her, the little boy across the road went with me. She perked up when she saw him. He use to play with Casey, so she knew him.
She had the prettiest blue eyes. She was Austrian Shepard and Lab mix. I am just 5 feet tall and when she stood up that's how tall she was. I'll miss her.

Easter is almost here

I found another picture of Casey hunting Easter Eggs.

I have pictures all over the place. I need to get better organized.

I went today to see the counselor. Not much was done, he wants me to have a evaluation done, to see what I am able to do in a job. She called a little while ago, I have a appointment on the 14th of this month. It will take about 2 hours she said.

I talked to my husband yesterday, not sure where he is. He's doing ok so far on the truck.

I have a question

What could be wrong with me? I don't know how to explain. But I am scared to meet new people now. I could get a job in the food service I think, like running a register. But for some reason I am scared to face a customer.

Before Casey died it did not bother me, I could do it. I was a hairstylist for about 16 years, but I have been away from that work about 5 years. I had went to the shop where I use to work to get my hair cut, one of the stylist there said they were going to need help. I had been thinking about going back to that, but I also thought I don't think I can do that anymore. I even told the woman that cut my hair, that I did not think I could do it anymore. She knew Casey had died and she told me also she did not think I could do it. Wonder why that is? Seems my life has turned upside down, and I don't feel like the same person. I want to work to help buy things for my grand daughter, and also to help pay bills. But I am scared.
I am just started a business, I am going to sell Cookie Lee Jewelry an now I am wondering can I do that, can I face people?

Here's my little chunky pumpkin.

Filled out papers today

At the Rehab place. I have appointment with a counselor the 7th of this month. Those papers were a little confusing. I had to ask a few questions as to what something meant. I also had to fill out 2 papers giving my doctors permission to tell them about my disability. The only disability I have is Psoriasis. If that is a disability. I guess I will know when I go back the 7th.
I had to go up there today with gauze and tape on the back of my hand, my hand had broke out, and sometime last night in my sleep I scratched it. It woke me up hurting. I put my cream on it and a white glove and went back to sleep.
If you have ever had poison oak or Ivy that is what it reminds me of. I would get that stuff as a kid and I will never forget how it was. Sometime now I will use OTC medicine for poison ivy. It stops the itch.